Manipulating Agreement
When I was 12 years old, I was invited to join my neighbors
for a sudden trip out of state. One of their family members had a medical
emergency and they needed to go to them. They had a couple of toddlers and
invited me to go as a nanny, presumably for the times while they were at the
hospital supporting their loved one.
When we arrived in Georgia, the wife left to go to the
hospital but the husband stayed behind. It was late at night and together, we
got the kids put to bed and then went into the living room to get something to
eat. Before I knew it, the man was asking me to go to bed with him.
This 45 year old man, was asking me, a 12 year old, to have
sex with him. He described to me all the things he planned to do. I was mortified,
terrified, humiliated. I had no idea what to do. I was in a strange place with
no telephone or way to get help. So I did the only thing I could think to do, I
went out the door and planned to just stay outside to distance myself from this
unsafe situation and wait for the mom to return.
As I left the house, the man yelled out at me. 'You must be
a lesbian! Only lesbians don't want to have sex with a man.'
Though I have always been attracted to men, I have wrestled
with that question for decades. Was I a lesbian? Was there something wrong with
my not wanting to sleep with that man? The man's parting shot had made the
clear implication that there weren't any alternatives to his claim. I either
have sex with him or I am a lesbian, those are the possibilities.
As an adult, I've seen this same sort of coercive,
manipulative behavior employed within the church of all places. I'd never made
the correlation precisely until now, but realizing it, I am compelled that it
must be exposed. We attended one church where a few people were staunch
Democrats. But they were extremely uncomfortable in that environment because
there, if you weren't a Republican, you were suspicious. While no one said to
these people that they couldn't be a real Christian and also a Democrat, the
implication was quite clear. I was party to such thinking myself, if I'm
honest. We Republicans really did think that these people's Christianity was
questionable because anyone who had the Spirit of God would clearly discern
that the Republican party was right and the Democratic party was wrong. (not
sure I am still a Republican, but that’s another story entirely)
Christians often have a tendency to look with suspicion on
those who don't agree with what they consider to be the most important facets
of their ideology(and really, this isn’t exclusive to the Church). Which ones
these are varies from one group to the next, but the underlying attitude is the
same. One of the most common arguments that can be found among Evangelical
Christians, where biblical inerrancy and authority are at the foundation of
everything, is that whatever interpretation they don’t like must be unbiblical.
Never mind that you’ve grounded it in the Scripture, the fact that your
interpretation differs from theirs is reason enough to declare it unbiblical.
And where in the world do you go from there? That is a certain dialog ending
device.
I have recently found myself on this side of biblical
authority as a result of some theological shifts I have undertaken. The message
has been quite clear, “if you believe that women should be free to answer any
call God puts on their lives, including that of pastor, teacher or elder, then
you are not a safe Christian. In fact, you’ve discarded the bible and can no
longer be trusted in anything you say about God. Further, if you speak out
about this, you are being divisive. Further, any relationship difficulties that
result from your believing something different about the 'church approved roles
of women' are a direct result of YOUR sinful attitudes and inaccurate
understanding of the bible (if you even believe the bible anymore because some
people actually think you've discarded it all together).”
Now, some will be very upset that I'd compare my first
experience involving the deviant 45 year old man to the current situation
regarding theological ideology. They'll say that these two are not the same
thing at all. They'll say, just look at the bible, we are right, it's clear as
clear can be. And again, they'll accuse me of throwing mud at the church and
say I am harming her, dividing her, making public the squabbles of the church
and thereby hurting her reputation.
The reality, however, is that in both of these cases, the 'options' offered are manipulation. Manipulation is never a healthy thing and this particular variety has the scent of logical fallacy written all over it. Neither of these choices are a binary choice. I don't have to choose between the options given.
The reality, however, is that in both of these cases, the 'options' offered are manipulation. Manipulation is never a healthy thing and this particular variety has the scent of logical fallacy written all over it. Neither of these choices are a binary choice. I don't have to choose between the options given.
In openly discussing the tough problems that face the body of Christ, no harm is done to the Church. However, those who would
manipulate people into agreeing with their view of what it means to be a real
Christian by shutting down dialog are actually the ones harming the church.
They are doing damage by 'othering' people even within their own body. I am
actually calling the Church on her ungodly behavior, much like many others
before me have done when calling for various needed reforms.
Yes, we are called to Unity. In John 17, Jesus has a fair
bit to say on this topic in his final prayers to the Father. But our unity is
not meant to be a pretend unity that we wishfully hope will somehow become true
Unity in the Spirit simply by our keeping our contrasting opinions to
ourselves, smiling at one another and offering hugs. In order for it to be the
sort of Unity that brings glory to the Father it must be REAL. It must be that
we, as individuals humble ourselves to the point that we become one with our
Father. In becoming one with the Father, we will necessarily become one with
those others who have also become one with the Father through the process of
humbling themselves to think as He does.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. It really does mean alot.