Breathe........Again

Today, as I sat quietly, breathing in and breathing out with the intention of finding unity with God, I was struck by something.

I've felt the need to justify my existence.

Constantly.

Every breath I take in and breathe out must be justified.

Where did this come from? I think it comes from a variety of places, but one of the most significant is actually the teachings of the Church in which I've been brought up. No one directly said "You must justify your very existence!" Still, the message was there and it was clear.

As I sat meditating this morning, God, who justifies my existence, made it clear that I have no need to justify my existence. I have no more need to do this than does the sparrow, or the bumble bee, or the snake, or the mesquite tree. 

I am here because I was born. I was created, however that works in God's economy so that I could be.

And so I am. I exist. No justification needed.

I am here in order to be what I am. No one else gets to determine what that is. God doesn't actually desire to. He planted me, a tiny seed. He watered that seed, fed it. And then he watched it grow and as any good gardener does, he delights to see it sprout, grow and bloom. He delights in the details that are me. He does not sit in judgement because I am unlike other plants in the garden. God simply delights that I am. God invites me to join the party.

So I will stop trying to justify. I will stop trying to let someone else know what I know in order to justify. I will stop trying to produce something worthy of recognition to justify. I will stop trying to say words that others approve of in order to justify. I will stop thinking that I must 'help' someone in order to justify. I will stop trying to be politically correct, or a perfect bringer of justice, or a bible scholar, or pretty, or skinny, or smart, or funny, or interesting.............in order to justify.

I may, and likely will, still do some of those things. But I will not do them to justify my existence or my right to be on this planet.

Today, as I sat quietly, breathing in and breathing out with intention, I realized that God is in me and I am in God and that is the justification for my existence. And every other being on the planet does the same thing. We breath in God and we are part of existence as a result and that is enough.