The Journey

I've been on a journey for, well, truth be told, a very long time. Within the sphere of full consciousness, I've been actively walking it since May of 2018.The path has been steep and difficult, winding me all too often, but also encompassing it's own beauty and freedom. I've known that I was supposed to write about that journey, but for many reasons, I've put that writing off. Here, finally, I make a beginning.

Sharing this particular part of my inner travels is extremely vulnerable. I need to tell you that, because sometimes, I have been told that I appear to others to be impervious to a lack of confidence or an experience of suffering. The pain I've experienced over the course of time has been, with alarming frequency, unbearable. Tears have flowed like the Columbia River it has seemed. They've been plentiful and constant. At other times, more like the Sonoran Desert's ephemeral Santa Cruz River, in fits and spurts of tumbling ferocity as I am overtaken by a storm.

What I will be explaining could be deeply upsetting to many people who identify as Christians, in particular, Evangelical Christians (click on the link for the group's definition of itself). My words may appear to you as an angry, malevolent attack. I understand that. I honor that. I too have had the same experience when someone told me a similar story in the past. I understand that it is deeply difficult to hear some of the things I am going to share. Given that, I suggest a couple of possible approaches.

1. Don't engage, simply close the link and don't read any further. (there are consequences to this, but I do realize that for some, this seems the only choice)
2. Pray earnestly for ears to hear as you read, but give yourself time to process. Maybe you don't want to read these as they are published, maybe you need a longer period. 
3. Ask for humility as you read and see whether you recognize any truth and even, perhaps, if you too can relate to some of my experiences yourself.

There are, of course, other approaches but these are some ideas.

Since this has been such a painful journey for me, I am asking you to keep angry words and thoughts out of the comments. If you want to ask me a question that is honest, even if difficult, please do. However, if you leave comments that trash me, my character or my experiences, I won't be responding to those and they will not be published. I will be censoring comments in that regard. Be respectful.

The format I intend to use is to take your through the journey I've been on by writing posts related to the specific exercises and descriptions found in the book 'Leaving the Fold' by Marlene Winell. I'm actively using this book as a resource to help me in my process of recovering from the unhealthy effects of my experience with Evangelical Christianity. That is not to say that I agree with everything that the author says or believes, but it's been helpful and my hope is that this format will ultimately lead to a cohesive description of my experiences.

So, what is this journey about? It's about how I was completely and fully dedicated to Christianity as a belief system for several decades and why now, I have 'left the fold'. I still consider Jesus my closest friend, but I can no longer call myself a Christian in a way that most people who don that label mean it.

This retelling will take time. I don't know how long, but I think it will be quite a while. If you stay with me the whole way, I thank you and I want you to know that I value the time you will be putting in. I hope it will enrich your own life in some way.

PSA - While sympathy is nice at times, I am NOT writing so that anyone will feel sorry for me or write to me about how I ought to get therapy or whatever else. I AM NOT TRYING TO GET THAT KIND OF ATTENTION. My purpose is to provide an answer for those who don't understand why I've walked away. I intend to make it as clear and complete an answer as I know how to give. It is also to provide insight for others who might have experienced similar things and want to know more about this journey that is often labeled Deconstruction.