Just Breathe Normally, It's Enough

As an Evangelical Christian, much of my energies were spent on how to be the 'best Christian I could be'. This way of thinking about purpose colors so much of the day to day thoughts and actions of my life. I don't think I can adequately express just how thoroughly this particular pattern of thought influences me, even as I am deconstructing my faith and wouldn't even identify myself as an Evangelical any longer.

 (Do I have to identify, or remove identifiers at all? Sadly, I think yes, because if I don't someone will certainly understand me differently because I identify in a particular way. That may be a post for another day)

I'm just beginning a contemplative prayer journey. They talk often about paying attention to breathing, those contemplative praying people. 

So I'm beginning there. 

One practice that I've tried involves becoming aware that the name of God, Yahweh, is actually all about breath. Author Jeff Campbell explains it as follows in his meditation on the name of God.

"Some Rabbi’s teach that the letters we translate ‘Yahweh’ were in fact meant to imitate the act of breathing. On this understanding, we can not say God’s name in the way we say any other name. In a sense, God’s name is un-sayable. But at the same time, through the act of breathing, saying God’s name is the very first thing we do, when we come into the world. Saying God’s name will be the very last thing we do when we leave it. We will say God’s name repeatedly, frantically, in those times we are lost or excited. And even when we think we don’t know who God is, in our darkest moments, we say God’s name hundreds of times a day!"

So, as I sat down to breathe God in, I found myself trying to breathe in super deeply. This may not be all bad, but I have to admit that it was awkward. I was so very aware of each breath coming in and going out that I wasn't breathing at all normally.

Why? Because I was trying to take in as much of God as I possibly could. I was trying to 'tank up', if you will allow me the cliche. As I continued , awkwardly trying to fill my lungs and somehow find clarity of mind and some awareness of God's presence, I became aware of just how awkward my breathing was.

And then God spoke. 'Just breathe normally, it's enough.'

Just breath normally.

It's enough.

Be aware that when you breath, you breath in MY life. The life of God. The same life that the Bible speaks of being breathed into Adam. Life is the breath of God. 

So breathe.

It's enough.

If God IS the breath of life, then each breath I take invites God in, invites life in. Becoming aware of that can make all the difference. I am in God and God is in me.

It's actually unavoidable.

What is highly avoidable is the AWARENESS of this fact. 

So part of contemplation is simply becoming aware that God is in me. This is holy. God is in all of us who are image bearers. And God is in all of the Universe. God is life. How does that change the way I move through the earth? I'm not sure yet. It is only one small piece of knowing God, but I am sure it is true.

What I left my contemplation time with today is that I have enough of God for each day. I don't have to find some way to manufacture more of God. I don't have to somehow 'tank up'. I simply need to breathe with awareness that God is breathing life into me and I am breathing my life right back into God and we are one in that sense.

Just breathe normally.

It is enough.