Reborn

(Baby Brown Bear approaches us on Katmai preserve as
she explores her world and it's curiosities, July 2017)

Processing my exit from .................. what do I even call it? Organized Evangelical Christianity? Patriarchy? Evangelicalism? I'm not even sure exactly, but I left something old and am entering something new.

Anyway, processing that exit has been............

Has been.................

.............................
.............................
.............................

No, I don't have a word. It's too complicated to put it in a word.

Or maybe it needs two words.

Like BEING REBORN.

Born again...................

BORN AGAIN

Wait, no, that's not quite it.

It's been like dying..........................................and then being born again!

Wait! Is this the same old story? The one I already thought I'd lived? The one they told me in Sunday school and then every week thereafter for 45 years?

NO!

This is a new story. This is the story of something altogether different that I............. we............... they.................. missed. Or at least misunderstood.

Today, a friend sent me a video.

It was innocent on her part. She's a strong woman, an artist, a teacher, a conservationist, a wife, a mother, a friend. She's a badass woman. And also, she's one of those women that a lot of Christians would just assume is a Christian too (she told me this herself) But she isn't. She's a really awesome woman, whom those in the Evangelical world would call 'secular', and they wouldn't mean that as a compliment. Turns out though, that she's an incredible, godly, amazing person who acts more like Jesus than many Christians I've known over the years.

Anyway, she sent me a video. She's been encouraging my 'artist' self. Every time I see her, she has something to say to build me up. Heck, not just every time I see her, but multiple times each time I see her. She's THAT kind of person. So she sent me a few things via Messenger to say that she thinks I'm a good woman. The video was one of them.

And it was epic! I watched it and I thought, "OH MY GOSH!!! The woman in this video is ME!!! They've been videotaping me when I didn't know!!!!!!"

In the video, a woman is shown breaking out of Patriarchy through dance and she goes a bit wild as she dances. But it's strong, it's daring, it's fierce! And in the end, you see her depicted as breaking free of all the systemic crap that's been holding her back. I cheer, at least in my heart. I am proud of her and I feel energized and hopeful. She is strong! I am strong! We are strong and we can get free!!!

The video ends and, as YouTube does, a connected video is shown. This one has a provocative title involving the word "Jezebel".

Immediately, I feel my heart rate go up. I know exactly the sort of thing that is going to be in that video. I KNOW that it is going to 'expose' the woman and the video as being from 'the evil spirit of Jezebel'. I know that Scripture will be quoted. I know that it will demonize everything about the empowering video I just watched and resonated with.

And I watch it.

And my heart pounds. And I feel nauseous. And I feel panic.

and I feel FEAR.

Am I Jezebel? Am I going the way of Lucifer? Am I going to hell?

I begin to talk to Jesus. I know Him and He knows me and we talk often. It's a thing people do in relationships. Works pretty well in this case. He gets me. (that always helps you know)

I realize that FEAR is the mechanism employed by the makers of the demonizing video. They are attempting to inspire fear in the hearts of anyone who recognizes and fights against Patriarchy. They use Scripture to do this. I know this instinctively, but I have to talk to Jesus.

I also have to talk to my friend Heather, who's been walking out of the previously unnamed shitstorm best described as Evangelical Christianity for a few years longer than I. I call Heather and she talks me off the ledge of fear. She reminds me that I have to look at the root of why this video is being made. We dissect the whole mess together.

One of the biggest tells that type of video is a problem is that what it inspires is stone cold FEAR. It doesn't inspire what the church likes to call conviction. It just inspires fear. Yet the very bible that Christian living is meant to be founded on offers the phrase 'Do not be afraid', or some derivative, 365 times throughout it's pages. And towards the end of the whole is the iconic phrase, 'Perfect Love casts out fear.' This is the story of the bible.

Fear is not the story.

Love is.

And when I hear, as if for the first time, the story of LOVE, I die. I die to the old story, the one that defined and confined me to a very small box. And then I discover that I am

BEING REBORN

As an aside, death and birth are traumatic events. For everyone involved. It's no small thing being born, and death so often finds everyone who is left behind grieving for what was. But birth is all about new life, about discovery, about growth.

And it is very good.


Comments

  1. I get this and I don't. I get this, meaning I too have gone through a breaking free of the the old "churchiness" and have had a rebirth when it comes to really discovering my faith and what it means to have a relationship with God. I get that. I get the fear part too, because I was soooooo steeped in it and God just swooped in with His overwhelming unconditional love and enveloped me. But yet today, fear reared it's ugly head again. And I caved. I feel like I am always caving. That is why I think that I get it and yet I don't. Sometimes I wonder what I'm missing because I keep being tricked by fear. Duh! It's love! Thank you for reminding me that "Fear is not the story. Love is." I am very encouraged by this. I hope that God's love will be so ingrained in me that there will be no place for fear.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. It really does mean alot.

Popular Posts