The Shape of A Heart - A Mother's Day Message for Not Just People With Children

This morning, I walked around through my desert 'garden'. I was just trying to exercise the doggo, who was going bat-shit crazy with pent up energy. I wasn't intending on being philosophical.....................

But, I can't help it, so here we are.

I've been checking every day on one particular cactus pad and it's buds. I have a friend who did a series of paintings a year or so ago, of cactus pads shaped like hearts. It's not altogether uncommon and if you begin looking, you'll see them all over. But this one, I wanted to catch when it opened so I could snap a photo of it and send it to her. It makes me think of her when I see it and I love that woman, sooooo

The buds had looked about the same for a long time and I had thought there was a very good chance they'd bloom on the same day. When I walked by this morning, I was surprised to discover that one of the buds had evidently swelled up overnight and burst open this morning. 

Just one. 

Looking at it made me begin to think about how every heart is shaped differently. 

Each will have different ways in which it blooms, or shrinks and shrivels. Each heart is unique. Each heart carries life giving serum as well as prickly spines and thorns. Each heart has the potential to bloom, and bloom it will. 

At the right time. 

At it's own time and it will not do it according to anyone else's calendar.

And please note that while some might be tempted to say 'that isn't a heart!', rest assured that it is, in fact, a heart. This one has longer spines. It's shaped a bit differently. One might think it is stunted. The cleft has not yet become deep, but it's still there, and it's blooming, despite the armor that it's wearing. And it's beautiful. 

Always look for what is beautiful.

Some hearts might 'look' more balanced than others. 

Don't be fooled, they recieved support from those around them. Without support, they would lose their balance. They might look just perfect, just right. They might want others to think they are 'just right' but the reality is just that they've had a bit more privilege than the next heart, via the right kind of support. 

And the truth is that they too have scars and spines, but they are more readily hidden by the supporters around them.

Sometimes it's hard to fully see the heart because the spines are front and center. They've had to be, they didn't have anyone else protecting them. 

Nevertheless, there's a heart behind those spines. Don't doubt it. Look for it. 

Hearts are tender places that often need coaxing in order for them to trust. Some of them, sadly, never learn to trust and this is deeply difficult for everyone involved. All the same, don't forget that there's a heart.

Sometimes, you can't see the shape of their heart. But you can see the fruit. They are producing blooms aplenty. Their heart is doing things. Their heart is engaged. Their heart is fertile ground for growth and change and yielding and hoping.

If the heart you are looking at happens to be a mother, and it looks like this, loaded down with lots of blooms and lots of fruit, consider how that affects her heart. She may not have had opportunity to tend her heart well. It may be that its' just had to maintain a very specific structure so that herself and her family can survive. 

Or like in this case, her heart is so weighted down by the number of her responsibilities that it's shape is beginning to shift and bow. She may even begin to shrivel. Maybe she needs a drink of water. Or just some time to rest. She is surely proud of what she's accomplished but might look ungrateful when she's bone tired and wilting.

Maybe all her children are grown and gone. She may feel that the time of her bloom, her beauty is behind her. She may wonder what is her purpose now. But look at the shape of that heart. It's been molded by love, sacrifice, wisdom and she wears a beautiful crown of peaches and pinks to remind her of her hard work.

She has a whole horizon yet unseen to discover. There is so much more to life than what is now in the past. And even what is in the past will certainly revisit her many times over. It's now the season of the ripening of fruit. Something more is coming, something to look forward to in anticipation. Where will she go from here?

And lets face it, there are some hearts that don't look a thing like the rest of us. They just look different. Very different. They aren't like us and that is a good thing, a beautiful thing. 

It's a gift because they have an ability to shine like no one else. They stand out by being different. Should they feel shame for that? Nooooo! We need them. They too are hearts.

These hearts come in so many varieties that it's impossible to know how to describe them all. Just remember that if a heart looks to you like it just isn't 'normal' stop to consider that maybe it's one of these sorts. It's a heart too, don't discount it. 

Look for how it is shining instead of for how it is different.

And then there are those hearts we look at and we think,  "their fruit is just a bit shady."

What do we do with them? 

We love them and include them and invite them and become curious about them. For they are hearts too, and as everyone knows, a heart needs lifeblood to keep going. And life blood is made up of love and nurture and acceptance and care and joy and sharing and friendship and hope. All the hearts need it to flourish. 

Did you know that none of the hearts actually need judgement? 

Not ONE. 

Not the ones who do it different, not the ones who do it the same, not the ones that haven't done it at all, not the ones who look odd or smell odd or sound odd. No heart benefits from judgement. 

It's really hard to remember that sometimes. It's very easy to have difficulty accepting that there are other ways to see and do and be. But there are. And these differences are the reason we have so many different and beautiful blooms, which result in  wonderful varieties of fruit! 

Remember this today as you consider yourself, your mother, your friend, your sister, your neighbor. 

If you are a woman, you have a heart. 

You may or may not have children, but your heart is a beautiful thing. It's a garden where we cultivate and care for ourselves and others. It's a place of hard work and beauty, of joy and tears. And it lives in each one of us. Whether or not we have children. Whether we wanted children or didn't. Whether we can have children or can't. Whether we have a partner or we don't. 

Each person houses a very precious heart. Look for the beauty there. If the spines are poking while you look it's ok to step back from that particular heart. But do be sure to remember that this heart too contains all the good things.