Sunday - October 4, 2020

I woke up this morning to our 11 month old puppy jumping into the bed. She's 60lbs of energy and I soooo enjoy all her enthusiasm. I enjoy it less when it results in jolting me awake and being reminded that my bladder needs emptying. But I still smile because she does bring me joy.

As I began to wake, I was quickly reminded of the ache that I'm struggling with daily in my body. Some sort of pain that can't really be explained (Fibro Myalgia) but which is present always. I'm used to it now, at 48. It's been with me for fully 20 years now. I love life anyway, and getting into the world with my camera, my paints or just my eyes. 

I went outside to water the birds, a daily ritual I am especially motivated to do since Bobcat kittens are sometimes seen taking a drink in the last few months. My husband is leaving soon to play drums on his church's worship team and I am looking forward to a quiet morning. I'm immediately assaulted by allergies. For me, this means my whole body swells up and hurts, alongside weeping eyes, stuffy nose, etc. I feel utterly wiped out. I know I won't have energy again for hours. I sit down to read a bit of news. This is a bad idea but I do it anyway. Before I realize it, hours have passed. I've wasted time, I feel terrible in my body and in my mind. I have seen how soooo many people feel and it's........not inspiring.

I feel some sadness as I think of one of my dearest life friends and the estrangement we've had since I've changed some of my doctrinal views. I send her a text to tell her that I miss her and I love her and I wish her well, despite the difficulties and pain we face. 

Later, I make a lunch of fresh veggies and ramen and a bit of cooked chicken. I basically throw in whatever I can scrounge up and the result is hearty and tasty like soup. Why did I make soup when it is 100 degrees....again!?

I finished a very happy book, with no particular meaning, that a friend recently gifted me. I needed that because I've felt heavy with so many things lately. And now, I am spending some time working on my drawing. I'm an artist, but there is constantly room for improvement.

I can see that life......every single day.......is full of so many ups and downs. 

And the English Muffin I just toasted and slathered in butter and strawberry preserves........could that be heaven?

Will you take a moment to tell me a bit about your day? What is it like to be you today?